


The Princess Thief

by ladyjax



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: AU, April Fools Crack Fest, Community: team_sga, Multi, Team Teyla AU Fest 2008
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-04-08
Updated: 2008-04-08
Packaged: 2018-09-26 05:07:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,693
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9864176
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ladyjax/pseuds/ladyjax
Summary: Written for the team_sga April Fools Crack Fest. I've never written pure crack before so this is new to me. Figures I'd decide to write this at the last minute.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Had I decided to continue this, eventually it would have gotten to OT4

The solstice celebration was in full swing by the time Teyla slipped into the banquet hall, her borrowed finery helping her blend in with the crowd. And quite a crowd it was.

Although the traditional Atlantean solstice rites drew participants from all over the territory, there was added excitement in the air. Crown Prince John Sheppard had returned to the capital city in triumph after leading his airship squadron against a blooded Wraith horde along the border, saving many lives in the process. As Teyla's eyes scanned the room, she chanced a look at the dashing prince.

He was talking to a dark haired woman, who by her dress and demeanor could only be Lady Elizabeth Weir. Prince John cut a fine figure in his black uniform, its severity cut by the blood red belt around his waist. His much taller companion was the prince of a conquered people but no less worthy of honor. Ronon Dex had served with John ever since he'd been found making one man skirmishes against several isolated Wraith outposts years before. They were fast friends (possibly bedmates, some scandalous tongues wagged) and inseparable which made the Atlantean royal family breathe a little easier. Both men tempered each other's inherent recklessness and they made an effective team on the battlefield.

Though either man would be worthy of a tumble and Teyla would be no less a woman for even considering the possibility, her presence at this gathering was not without purpose.

"Hello there."

The lightly accented voice at her side made Teyla turn. A heavy set gentleman, dressed in the same uniform as the prince but sporting a blue belt, smiled at her. "Dr. Carson Beckett, royal surgeon."

Little used court manners kicked in and Teyla inclined her head graciously. "Charin Serris," she replied, knowing her late mentor would not begrudge the use of her name. "Late of Athos."

The mention of the small matriarchy that had once flourished on the southern coast of the Pegasus continent brought an interested look to her companion's face. "Athos, you say? You're a long way from home."

"I am here to study in the Royal Horticulture College," Teyla replied with an affected simper. She almost laughed at the somewhat pained expression on the good doctor's face. Her disguise as a spoiled court beauty served her well. "This is a lovely gathering. I am honored to have received an invitation."

"Well," Carson said, "It's not every day that we have Prince John and Prince Dex in residence. That probably accounts for the increased female interest at least."

Teyla mustered what she hoped was a girlish titter at the mention of the princes' names and she smiled sweetly. "They are quite handsome."

"Would you like to meet them? They're friends of mine."

Alarm bells rang in Teyla's ears and she shook her head. "Oh, oh no, I am sure they have no interest in meeting me..."

She was cut off by Carson's affable, "Nonsense!" and the next thing she knew, the doctor had tucked her hand in the crook of his arm and was guiding her across the room towards the aforementioned pair. Her mind worked quickly; this was something neither she nor Rodney had counted on when they hatched their plan so many months ago. She could almost hear him fretting in her ear but they hadn't gotten this far to be derailed by two pretty lordlings.

"John, Ronon," Carson hailed both men who had turned to survey the gathering. "I'd like you to meet Charin Serris of Athos."

Ronon nodded. "Athos, huh? Down on the coast. I passed through there a while back."

"I hope you had a very pleasant visit, Prince Dex."

"Mmm hmm," Ronon's eyes swept up and down, leaving Teyla with the impression that she'd been committed to memory. Her fingers itched for the weapon she had to leave with the rest of her real clothing and she curled her fingers into her palm to make them stop twitching. Fortunately Ronon excused himself to check out the banquet table and he took Carson with him, leaving Prince John and Teyla by themselves.

"Don't mind, Ronon. He's a little single minded when it comes to food," John said. He cocked his head and looked at her, a slow lazy smile playing over his lips. "Been in the city long?"

For a moment, Teyla almost forgot just why she was there but she quickly recovered and repeated her story about studying at the Horticulture College. She thought for sure that the prince would soon grow bored with talking to her and wander off but he was attentive, annoyingly so.

"Your highness, I must go," Teyla said regretfully. "I thank you for the pleasant conversation." She turned to go only to have John grab her hand and stop her.

"It was my pleasure, Charin," John murmured. His hand tightened around her own before he brought it to his lips for a kiss. Teyla's cheeks flushed with heat and she nearly snatched her hand away but John let her go with a knowing look. "I hope we see each other again."

"Perhaps we will," Teyla replied and bobbed her head respectfully before taking her leave of the hall.

Once she'd left the celebration behind, Teyla was all business. She made her way to the small cache of clothing and equipment that she'd stashed earlier then ducked into another room to change. When she came back out, Teyla was dressed in her favorite clothing: a shirt made of Athosian homespun, leather pants and boots. She put her hair in a ponytail and slung her bag crosswise over her shoulder. Easing her way back down the corridor, she watched and listened for oncoming footsteps but it seemed that everyone was still at the party.

With the ease of a cat, Teyla made her way to the stairs and climbed up sever stories until she reached the offices of the Royal Scientist, Radek Zelenka. Rodney's hastily drawn map led her to her goal: a tall cabinet in one corner of the room. Teyla jimmied the lock and opened the cabinet. A reddish gold glow greeted her.

This is what she'd come for: one of Atlantis' vaunted ZPMs. Rodney claimed that it was just what he needed to complete his research; into what Teyla wasn't entirely sure but for the amount of money he was paying her to do this job, she wasn't inclined to ask. Much later she'd regret her lack of curiosity but that was well into the future, and thus not something she was particularly worried about at the moment.

She was just putting the huge crystal into her bag when the door opened wide. Teyla whirled around and found herself staring at the aforementioned Zelenka. The little man's eyes widened behind his round glasses and he shouted, "What do you think you are doing?"

"Leaving!" Teyla quipped and dashed out a side door.

Zelenka's shouts would alert the guards and Teyla knew she had only moments to get a move on before the entire castle was on alert.

Thanking the ancestors for a prodigious memory and Rodney's drilling, Teyla hastened her way down another set of stairs, ever alert for the sounds of pursuit. There were some hairy moments when Teyla pressed herself into tiny alcoves guarded by dusty suits of armor but for the most part, she was able to avoid her pursuers.

She finally found the door she wanted that led to the little used courtyard on the far side of the castle. Teyla pushed the heavy door open and slipped outside...

And very nearly ran into Ronon and John.

"Oh, um, hello..." Teyla swallowed and tried to look, well, innocent.

"Charin, what are you doing here?" John's eyes swept over her clothes and then alighted on her shoulder bag which sagged from the weight of the ZPM. His eyes narrowed when he saw her clutch it protectively. "What do you have in your bag?"

"Just my other clothes," Teyla replied. "I am much more comfortable in these."

Ronon snorted. "Something tells me that's not all that's in there."

Teyla opened her mouth to make another denial only to be interrupted by Zelenka's outraged shout, "Stop! Thief!"

One moment of inattention and Teyla slipped by both John and Ronon and ran.

The clatter of boot heels followed in her wake and she chanced a look over her shoulder; John, Ronon and a brace of the palace guard were running after her and closing fast. Her heart beat in her chest wildly and she knew it would only be moments before she was caught.

"Teyla!"

Teyla skidded to a stop when she heard Rodney's shout and a thick climbing rope uncoiled from above her. Looking up, she saw him beckoning to her from the gondola of his cleverly designed personal airship. She lunged for the rope and started to climb, her heels clearing the ground as the airship lifted up and away. Below her, her pursuers stopped and watched as she made her getaway. Teyla's last view was of the cheeky grins on John and Ronon's faces and something told her this would not be the last time she'd see the two princes of Atlantis.

With Rodney's help, Teyla finally climbed into the gondola and set her bag down. She stepped back as Rodney pulled out the ZPM and held it up to the light. "Perfect," he said reverently. "Good job."

One perfect eyebrow quirked upward and Rodney added, "It's not as if you weren't going to do a good job, but you're always telling me I don't say these things often enough..." Teyla's hand forestalled any additional comments. "Is it what you needed, Rodney?"

"This? Oh yes, yes. It's perfect." He put the ZPM back in the bag and went back to the airship controls. "Don't worry about them coming after us. While you were dallying with the monied set, I let the air out of several of their airship bladders. It'll take them awhile to get them filled again."

"Ah, then I am lucky that I have you as my partner in crime," Teyla said mildly and meant it.


End file.
